When a celebrity or a well-known person passes away, it can create a profound sense of loss, that leaves us dejected and confused.

It’s normal and expected to feel utterly devastated when a person close to us dies, but the grief we feel after the death of someone we didn’t really know is a little more complex.

You might feel silly or even embarrassed for feeling so deeply wounded by the loss of someone you never met. Sure, you might not have ever had a conversation with this person or even been in their presence. However, they may still have had a profound impact on you.

Perhaps they served some sort of purpose in your life, acting as a source of stability or calm. Maybe they were just someone you deeply admired and looked up to. Whatever your feelings, the grief of losing someone you didn’t really know can hit you surprisingly hard.

The good news is, that it’s totally normal to feel this way and there are several coping strategies you can put in place.

Why you might experience grief for someone you didn’t really know

Chances are, this person meant more to you than you realised. You might have become used to seeing them on your TV screen or in the pages of magazines.

You didn’t know them, but they’ve been a regular part of your life. You may have watched them grow and evolve over many years. It’s that familiarity that can compound feelings of loss.

Add to that, you felt connected to this person – or the idea of them – on a certain level and now they’re no longer around, there’s a chasm. You might feel sad that this person will never say or do anything again, when you’ve spent so long enjoying their music, watching their films, or lapping up everything they had to say.

Grieving for someone you didn’t know can also trigger fresh feelings of grief for the people in your life that you have lost. It can be a painful reminder of loved ones that are no longer with us and may be a sign of unresolved grief.

It’s also completely human to empathize with the well-known person’s family. It’s a kind of shared grief. You feel their loss almost as if it were your own.

How to grieve for someone you didn’t know personally

Learning why you might experience grief for someone you didn’t really know has hopefully gone some way to normalising the way you feel. The next step? Figuring out ways to cope.

Be kind to yourself

While grieving someone you weren’t close to, you might find you’re struggling with a few other tricky emotions too: namely embarrassment, confusion, and shame. 

You might question why on earth you’re feeling so grief-stricken and give yourself a hard time as a result. Particularly if the people around you don’t seem nearly as heartbroken.

Firstly, feeling grief in this way is a sign you’re empathetic. You care about others and feel things deeply, and that’s certainly not something to be ashamed of.

Secondly, know that you may have had more of a connection to this person than you previously realised. Whether you admired and respected them, or recognised elements of yourself in them, you obviously loved this person and held them in high regard. It’s only natural that you’d feel a little sad now they’re gone.

Here’s something to keep in mind: We all experience grief differently and it’s okay if you’re feeling more cut up about this loss than you might have predicted.

Acknowledge the relationship

What did this person mean to you? You may never have been in the same room, but it’s totally possible that they’ve influenced you in ways you never realised until now. For example, a famous musician may have inspired you to go after your own dreams in the industry.

A world leader may have shaped your political views, and a beloved author could have sparked your creativity and imagination as a child. One way or another, this person meant something to you.

It may help you to reflect on what this person symbolised for you and acknowledge that you did have some sort of relationship with them, even if it wasn’t a personal one

Reflect on your memories

You might never have shared a cup of coffee or held a conversation, but undoubtedly you can recollect some special memories of this person.

They might have said something in an interview that struck a chord with you personally, released an album that got you through a rough period in your life, or introduced policies that positively shaped the world around you.

Privately reflect on your memories of them, or if it feels right, jot them down or share them with a friend. Doing so can provide a release and make you feel less alone.

Look for support elsewhere

When a well-known person passes away there’s often an outpouring of public grief. Chances are, you won’t be the only one feeling the sharp sting of loss and you might feel comforted by the shared sense of community.

Fan pages and online groups can be great places to seek solace. And they can serve an important purpose, helping you to realise that – yes – it’s perfectly fine to grieve someone you didn’t know and that you certainly aren’t alone in feeling a sense of loss.

On the flip side, if this person was a contentious character who is the subject of some criticism after their death, it might be a good idea for you to take a social media break.

Find meaning in the loss

You’re grieving right now because this person meant something to you: that much is true. They may represent a life well lived or have exemplified certain qualities or beliefs you admire.

When you’re feeling up to it, take some time to reflect on what this person has taught you and how you can use those lessons in your life going forward. If this person fearlessly pursued their goals, you might like to think about how you too can live a life that’s aligned with your desires.

If they were the kind of person to stand up and fight for what they believe in, you could consider what you can do to make a difference.

Finding meaning in this way can give you a new purpose in life and give you something positive to focus on.

Talk to a grief counsellor

Grief – be it for someone close to you or far-removed, isn’t always something you can navigate alone. The death of a well-known person may have triggered some unresolved feelings of grief from another loss in your life or you might be struggling to understand why you feel so upset.

Whatever the scenario, a grief counsellor may be a good option if you’re:

·        Having difficulty carrying out your normal routine

·        Experiencing intense sadness or rumination over the death

·        Isolating from others

·        Feeling detached or numb

·        Having problems accepting the death

With a counsellor’s support, you can start to heal.

Final thoughts on grief…

There’s no quick fix for grief. Whether you’re mourning someone close to you or a person you never met, healing those wounds takes time. In truth, grief may always be present, but it can feel more manageable over time.

It was Queen Elizabeth II who famously said “Grief is the price we pay for love.” It may help you to keep these words in mind on your journey.