A Guide To Shadow Work

5 Steps To Heal Old Wounds & Move On From Trauma 

If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would you say? You might pick any number of words from a lengthy list of positive descriptors: Bubbly! Smart! Funny! But we’ll bet you rarely describe yourself as troubled, broken or flawed.

Here’s the thing though. All of us are troubled, broken and flawed to a certain extent. We all have messy, unresolved thoughts, feelings, and fears bubbling away underneath the surface.

This is no bad thing. It’s normal to have a little baggage. The trouble is, so rarely do we confront it. In a world of toxic positivity, we’re encouraged only to focus on the good sides of life, so when uncomfortable emotions come up, we repress them.

Along with trauma from our childhoods, these emotions become stored in the body and make up our ‘shadow selves’.

Up until now you might not be well acquainted with your shadow self. If you’re on a personal development journey, you might have spent plenty of time finding the good in life, but not a lot of time exploring the parts of you that are hidden from view. 

Exploring your shadow self, in a process known as shadow work, isn’t easy, pretty or comfortable, but trust us when we say, it’s one of the most liberating and powerful things you’ll ever do for yourself.

Ready to learn more? Here goes…

What actually is shadow work?

Shadow work is sometimes called ‘inner work’ because it involves looking inward. In psychology, it’s also referred to as self-examination.

Shadow work involves a whole lot of introspection and during the process, you’ll need to work through some deeply rooted traumas and fears – some of which you might not even be aware of.

These traumas and fears can be anything from getting picked on in school or suffering abuse to a fear of speaking up or asserting boundaries. They become parts of ourselves that we want to repress and hide away.

Shadow work brings these darker aspects to the fore, allowing you to identify and ultimately shift unhelpful patterns that are wreaking havoc on your life.

It’ll also draw your attention to undesirable aspects of your personality that you’ve tried to hide away – like anger, arrogance, and selfishness – and empower you to make peace with them.

Shadow work and spirituality

In the spiritual world, many people believe shadow work clears energetic blockages. These blockages are said to prevent your desires from manifesting, and when you commit to clearing them, you clear the path for good things to come your way.

We can ignore our shadow selves as much as we want but they still wield power over how we live our lives. The shadow often presents itself in the form of insecurities, fears, limiting beliefs, and doubts and can slow our progress through self-sabotage.

Left unchecked, these forces can impact everything from how confident we feel at work to how happy we are in our relationships. They impact the way we talk to ourselves, and in turn, our attitudes and behaviours, ultimately preventing us from reaching our full potential.

Just ask Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung. He said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

It was Jung himself who brought the concept of a shadow self into the public domain. He believed that by acknowledging the shadow self we could live more peaceful and fulfilled lives.

Before you start…

Full disclosure: Healing your shadow won’t be easy. Actually – real talk time – it’s going to be really uncomfortable and take a whole lot of work. But don’t let that put you off.

Shadow work can be truly transformative. It is an ongoing process that can revolutionise the way you live your life and ‘unstick’ those sticking points that you’ve struggled with your whole life.

You can heal yourself with shadow work. Here’s how…

Start with compassion

Now is not the time to beat yourself up (Spoiler alert: there’s never a good time for that.) Nope, instead, this is a time for gentle self-enquiry.

Many of us carry around a lot of shame about our shadow selves. We think it’s wrong to be anything less than permanently sunny and so when you start this journey, you might feel more than a little ashamed of all the gunk that’s lurking beneath.

Know this: everyone has their ‘stuff’. Even the most positive, seemingly happy people you know, have fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs that often hold them back. They have less than shiny personality traits too.

Keep this in mind and remember: your aim is to observe yourself without judgement.

Watch out for your triggers

No one likes feeling triggered, but in truth, it’s a surefire sign of something lurking in the shadows and it can provide a whole lot of insight about what you need to heal.

It might help you to keep a log of anytime you experience a strong emotional reaction. In time, you’ll develop an awareness of what triggers you and can begin to explore why.

It could be anything, from a particular person to a certain way of life, that sparks a reaction in you. (Did you know, for example, that judgement of others is a huge sign that your shadow self has been triggered?)

Rather than getting irked, consider your triggers as helpful clues, and ask yourself where that feeling might be coming from.

Explore in a journal

Now for the hard part: it’s time to go deep. Really, really deep. In a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed, open your journal, and pick one of your triggers. Write it at the top of the page.

Now, free write. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar and what others might think (Remember, this journal is only for you). Whatever comes to mind, just get it all out on paper.

If you get stuck, you can use some prompts, like these:

·        Where could this trigger have come from? Is it the result of a negative experience in my childhood?

·        How does this aspect of my shadow self make me feel? What emotions come up when I reflect on it?

·        Does it have a detrimental effect on my life? If so, how?

·        Could this fear, attribute or quality be used in a positive way?

·        Is there anyone I would feel safe sharing this side of myself with? Why?

·        What do I need to do to move on from this and accept myself fully?

Ideally, you’ll want to commit to this practice on a regular basis, think daily, or at the very least, weekly, choosing a different trigger each time or going back to an old one if it feels unresolved.  

It’s a good idea to schedule it in and set aside around an hour so you can fully get into it too.

Yep, shadow work isn’t a one-time quick fix – and it’ll work best if you keep at it.

Go easy on yourself afterwards

Shadow work aftercare is as important as the shadow work itself. Remember how we said that exploring your shadow can be a confronting and uncomfortable experience? Well, you might feel a little fragile afterwards. You could feel overwhelmed and muddled, angry, or even low.

That’s why putting an aftercare plan in place is a good idea. You know yourself best so have a think about what would make you feel better after an intense period of introspection. It might be your favourite comfort TV show, time with someone you love and trust, or even a few hours in your own company.

Basically? Indulge in the self-care practices that usually bring you the most relief. Some people like to perform an emotion-releasing meditation right afterwards too. If that soothes you, do it!

Bonus point: caring for yourself after shadow work means you’re more likely to return to the process again. It’s a win-win.

Enlist the help of a therapist

Hey, guess what? You don’t have to go it alone. If you have a lot of deep, unresolved trauma, a therapist can help you come to terms with and ultimately move on from it.

If you’re finding the whole idea of shadow work particularly daunting or confronting, then seeking professional support is likely the best idea.

Shadow work: how long will it take?

You might not want to hear this, but shadow work is an ongoing process. You will always uncover new wounds lurking somewhere below the surface and you will never be completely ‘healed’. (That’s okay, nobody is.)

The good news is you’ll see plenty of progress along the way. As you resolve old traumas, you should notice an improvement in your mental health and well-being within a couple of months.

You might even notice that your life is starting to change for the better. Perhaps something you used to struggle with is no longer a concern.

In some cases, you might even feel a sense of relief straight away. There’s something incredibly liberating about acknowledging an old wound and finally letting it go.

The bottom line? There’s no rulebook. It will take as long as it takes.

One thing we can guarantee though: if you commit to the process and really do the work, those blocks will hold you back no more. 

Need extra support? Consider adding these books to your TBR pile…

·        Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy by Francine Shapiro

·        Judgement Detox: Release the Beliefs that Hold you Back from Living your Best Life by Gabrielle Bernstein

·        Wipe the Slate Clean: How to Change your Beliefs and your Life by Marc Isenschmid

·        Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche by Robert A. Johnson·        Shadow Work For Beginners: A Short and Powerful Guide to Make Peace with Your Hidden Dark Side by Rohit Sahu