Negativity Getting You Down?

Have you ever been called a negative Nancy or a moaning Mike? Perhaps people often remark on your tendency to jump to the worst-case scenario or point out a flaw.

Let’s be clear here: There’s nothing wrong with a little negativity. Sometimes seeing things in a negative light can help you problem-solve and make improvements. Negativity can often draw your attention to what needs to change.

But that said, sometimes negativity can get you down. In fact, constant negativity is shown to be bad for both your physical and mental health, compounding feelings of stress and anxiety and contributing to low mood.

On the other hand, developing a positive mental attitude improves your coping skills, making you more resilient to setbacks. That’s according to a 2004 study. It can also strengthen your immune system and even add years to your life.

With that in mind, you might like to embrace a little more positivity. If a negative mindset is getting you down, there are ways you can dial up the optimism without feeling like a fraud.

But first, optimistic, pessimistic or realist: just how set in stone is your outlook on life? Fortunately, not very. We aren’t born with a particular mindset. Instead, how we see the world and interact with it is mostly shaped in childhood and develops over the course of our lives.

That means our mindsets are malleable. While it can certainly be hard to shift the way you think and feel, it’s certainly not impossible.

A note on toxic positivity

Before we dive in, let’s get something straight. We’re not suggesting you should try to be positive all of the time. That’s simply not possible, and trying to maintain an upbeat persona every moment of every day will likely do you more harm than good.

Recently, our fixation on being endlessly upbeat has given rise to a culture of toxic positivity. This phrase suggests that we must suppress negative emotions, gloss over pain, and emit good vibes only.

But that only makes things worse and it’s normal and natural to have ups and downs in your moods.

Developing a positive mental attitude isn’t about ignoring – or even pushing away – difficult emotions, but about knowing that even in hard times, you will smile again.

Ready to get your PMA on? Here’s how…

Developing a positive mental attitude

Create a regular gratitude habit

You probably say ‘thank you’ dozens of times a day, but how often do you actively give thanks for everything you have in life? This probably isn’t the first time you’ve been advised to put a regular gratitude habit in place, but it may be the first time you learn why.

The more you practice gratitude, the more you wire your brain to seek out positives in the future. Thanks to neuroplasticity (the brain’s ability to adapt), when you focus on what you have to be grateful for, your brain learns to complete this task more readily over time.

That means if you are going through a tough time, and if you’ve consistently practised gratitude, you might find that almost immediately, you’re reminded of all the good stuff you’ve got going on. Think of it as training your brain to look on the bright side.

Some people like to write out three to five things they’re grateful for first thing in the morning. Others like to complete a ‘gratitude recap’ before bed by giving thanks for everything that happened that day.

The late Dr Wayne Dyer was a fan of the latter. Drawing on neuroscientific research, he says our brain is more susceptible to positive messages right before we fall asleep. He advises spending five minutes on gratitude before you get your shut eye.

Watch your self-talk

Seeing the world – and the people in it – in a positive light, begins with transforming the way you see yourself. After all, if you don’t have nice things to say about yourself, you’ll have a hard time finding nice things to say about others.

For one day, try and notice all the negative thoughts you have about yourself. How often do you catch yourself saying ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I could never do that’ or any other self-limiting phrases? After a while, you may begin to notice a pattern.

The trick is to slowly start replacing those thoughts until it becomes an automatic habit. Has a little voice in your head just told you that nobody wants to listen to what you have to say? Catch that thought, and repeat an alternative phrase such as ‘I have value to add to any conversation’ out loud or in your head.

Keep doing this as often as you can when negative self-talk threatens to derail you. Through positive reinforcement the way you see yourself will gradually begin to change – and your attitude will improve with it.

Reframe failure

Do you fall head first into a negativity spiral when you get something wrong? Or beat yourself up because you made one teeny tiny mistake? This is a fixed mindset in action.

A fixed mindset sees your abilities as limited and failure as permanent. Yep, it’s the exact opposite of having a positive mental attitude. What you need is a growth mindset.

People with a growth mindset know that ‘failures’ are only temporary setbacks and that even if they struggle, their skills and abilities can develop over time.

Getting into a growth mindset means reframing your perceived failures. Or in other words, seeing them as positives.

If reframing feels like too much mental aerobics, try getting it all out on paper. Take a perceived failure and write out three to five lessons it has taught you. To go one further, you might like to list how these lessons will benefit you in the future.

Remember this: everyone fails all of the time. It is a natural part of your growth.

Celebrate your achievements

It can be easy to let every day pass you by without so much as a passing recognition of what you have achieved. And when you feel you aren’t progressing, negativity can set in.

A great way to recognise just how much you’ve accomplished is to write your biggest achievement down at the end of each day. There might be a space for you to do this in your daily planner. 

The achievement can be big or small. It doesn’t matter. This exercise is all about reflecting on the progress you’re always making. If you want to go one further, you can write an extended list of your achievements at the end of every week or month.

Soon you’ll have a book full of accomplishments that you can read through any time you’re feeling low.

Sit with negative emotions

Have you ever tried to plaster on a smile when you just aren’t feeling yourself? Yeah, it doesn’t work, does it? In the end, you just feel worse.

Now imagine doing that in the long-term.

Next time you’re feeling in a funk, instead of forcing yourself to be happy, you can simply let those feelings exist. You can accept negative emotions as a part of life, rather than a sign there’s something wrong with you.

Eventually, those emotions will pass, and you’ll feel yourself again. If you’re feeling up to it, you can address uncomfortable feelings head on by exploring them in a journal.

Surround yourself with positive people

You may have heard that you are the grand sum of the five people you spend the most time with  — and it’s true. If you spend a lot of time with people who like to complain, chances are you’ll have a penchant for moaning too.

This is down to a concept in neurology known as ‘mirror neurons’ which basically suggests we mirror the behaviours of people around us.

Just realised how important it is to keep good company? You don’t have to completely change friend groups or cut yourself off from those closest to you. Rather, you can gravitate towards people who have great energy: whether you find them in real life or online.

Developing a positive attitude is all about embracing little habits and honouring negative emotions when they come up.

Come to think of it, we’re feeling more positive already.